First of all, you never know what someone is going through & there’s always two sides to a story. I am accountable for my side. I will not let this moment be repeatedly Weaponized against me. I will not let alpha, gold guy and his crew push me into a deep depression again.
People who know me, know where my heart stands. Now let me tell the story with full accountability in hand
Earlier in 2020 I connected to alpha because I like building with people, we had a long conversation on Discord voice chat. We were supposed to build a lot of cool things together. However one day out of nowhere my Twitter feed was blowing up.
Let’s talk about that moment. Gold guy and his team wanted to secure that forever 21 Wearable drop. Instead my team got that contract. I went onto Twitter one morning and saw that gold guys was commenting on public threads that forever 21 was tagged in, stating how they feel the wearables were designed unprofessionally. Since it was an attack on our brand, I asked kindly what was the unprofessionalism that he was speaking of. I wanted it to be pointed out to me. The conversation didn’t end up civil, all I heard was attacks without reason.
The community at large agreed with us. Since that moment, alpha and GG Started attacking me from every angle. I was angry, I was annoyed at being bullied. I didn’t enter DCL to fight with people like children. Alpha and gold guys introduction into the space, has been them attacking different community members and bullying them so they can move their own business forward.
An example of the bullying:
during sinfuls twitch stream where I was interviewed, Alpha talked all nice on the public chat while sending me DMS of a middle finger and laughing emoji.
After being bullied for so long, I sunk to their level and started attacking them in their messages. He constantly told me I need God, So I started telling him he needs God and then I started telling him im the devil. I was basically tired of being trolled, so I started trolling back. I’m not proud of that. That’s something that’ll never happen again with anybody.
One day I was on a Twitter spaces that was called the “ bare knuckle boxing: say it with your chest.” It was just myself and the host. We stared to talk about real life, so my personal family issues came up, and I was literally crying in the spaces talking to him about the pain. Alpha jumped into the conversation, but didnt accept speaker, every time I said something about my pain he would throw up laughing emojis, I would speak about my daughter, he would throw up laughing emojis. I’m a goddamn human. I snapped. I spoke out of character and said so many things that hurt people.
I’m accountable for everything I said, as the bully should be accountable for bullying. How the bully comes to terms with that is up to them, that part is not personal.
Right after this incident I wrote a song dedicated to the people of dcl called “I’m sorry” Explaining the whole thing from both angles.
After I dropped that song on my Twitter feed, I personally messaged so many of you in the community to give you a one on one apology. As I know words could’ve hurt so many people, and it hurts my heart to know that I may have hurt other people.
I did know one thing though, that I must take a little break. Before this Incident I was already burning out, I deal with manic depression and my mental health was spiralling. Being bullied like this for months by these guys, that was the tipping point. I really wish it hadn’t happened.
I left everything for three months, went into the woods, practiced reiki, self reflection and accountability. What I learned during the three months was that nothing is personal. Also every action and reaction is separate from one another when it comes to accountability. I need to come out of this a better human being. I didn’t just take this mistake and ignore it, I was proactive in my accountability.
As I strive to heal and forgive myself, I understand that those who I apologized to through a song or a personal conversation Do not owe me forgiveness. All I can do is be accountable, take my lessons, and strive to do better.
I’ve since been using this audio recording from Alpha in workshops about bullying and accountability. In these workshops we teach people how not to fall in the traps of bullies and rise above it. In these workshops, we show young people what accountability really is and what it looks like. It’s painful, it’s never ending, its healing for the ones you’ve hurt, yet its not healing for the self. The accountability hurts Because I still cant forgive myself.
All I can say is that I will no longer be bullied by you, I will not allow this moment in my life to be Weaponized against me repeatedly, I’m sorry for those who I hurt And I will continue to be accountable, helping people with their mental health breakdowns, helping people deal with bullies, and helping people become accountable for their own actions and words.
Before this breakdown, these people have pushed me into suicidal thoughts. I’m lucky I’m surrounded by people who understand me and love me.
With this being said. Getting this grant Will leave a foul feeling in my heart. I will continue to fund Metaverzus out of my own pocket, and I’ll eventually find a way to pay the artist what they deserve while I continue to onboard people into Web3
I will keep this grant up so this thread is visible to all, so everyone can hear the audio of my meltdown, so everyone can see imperfection, pain and accountability. PLEASE VOTE NO, if the grant somehow goes through I want to publicly decline it in advance.
Alpha and GG. I hope one day you look at yourselves and find out what you need to work on. Thats on you.
However, from my heart I apologize to you again. I know we could co-exist and I Hope one day we will all be able to unify with understanding and forgiveness. God bless the both of you